Ran into one of my old drinking buddies on a walk yesterday. He’s hanging in there. I’m glad he’s still alive I have hope for him i’m not sure if he does for himself though at times.
In and out of the hospital he has been… still smoking and drinking and on meds for his conditions brought on by his lifestyle yet he thinks it to be genetics as the dr. says. He says has something like 30% or so of a lung working but assures me he loves his smoking.
Good to know his semi homelessness has gotten better. He has a place to sleep that’s warm sometimes a storage facility sometimes a friends of his. He was sleeping in some cars that stay at the mechanics for a while but now to cold glad he has a place.
Back in my drinking daze I would hang with him and then when I had my son I started drinking less knowing I had to break free from this and show my son a better example. He helped me much in ways i’m not sure he knew he did. He has a son also, his son all grown up and in college now. I felt his pain one time very much as we drank and he realized his son was grown and where did all those years go… I felt it and I feel it now as I write this.
Time goes by quick at times but for a drinker that shit just flies by and before you know it your children are grown… We can slow down time and really spend it with our loved ones. I mean really be there with them not thinking about our next drink or when are we going to smoke are next joint or that we are under the influence of substance when with them and really only half there. All this shit we barely know until we break free from such.
I felt his pain and I deeply knew I deserved better, my son deserved better, the world deserved me to be me no matter how hard that may be in a world that is so harsh and so brutal at times. In a world that likes to pound everyone into a mold and say be this and be that and I say NO !!! That world is dead and I’m alive! And that’s it i’m done beating myself up more than a the world already tries to . I’m done with this…
I would like to say I left that night after drinking with my friend and I never drank again like magic like in the movies I was healed. But it was not so for me.
But this was one of the little things that really stuck with me and helped me to work my way out of the hole I had dug myself in. There were many more people that helped me with their words and presence some perhaps trying too, some just did unknown to them that they were helpful.
Whatever we do lets not look down on anyone lets look to help lift them up. I don’t care if you say she a whore or a slut and he’s a drunk or a no good thieving drug addict, or that bums a scammer and a liar, or they are the scum of the earth. Lets see them for what they really are. These are people that are sick they need love, they need help, they need hope. Give this to them give to them the love they need. Give yourself the loving care you need. We are all in this world together. Come together for you brothers and sisters and most importantly you take care of you so you can help you and others.
© Louis J. Auslander 10/17/15