Forty one times around the sun.
Yet, still so much more too see.
I started out in heaven, as
clear a conscious as can be.
Then projected onto me the
delusional reality that could not be.
I fought hard with fist and tongue
as the ego ruled the school grounds.
All was to be formulated over years…
of the schools structuring,
over years… of this is how we act
this is how we shall be.
Over years…of that was never me.
When you’re older you can do as you want.
When you’re older, you can make your own rules.
That day turned into “You are now an adult so do what your told”,
“Oh, you’re a childish dreamer, grow up! ” they would say.
So, it was off to work in a hell I made.
I am not happy, this is not fair,
spinning my wheels, getting no where!
This unforeseen escape from hell was yet an investment into
the deeper depths of the self made hell.
Oh this work sucks! This world is terrible! I had a tough week!
Lets go drink! You got some dope to smoke? What do you have?
Lets over eat! Lets find some sex! Lets escape this world, it is no good!
For a moment I’d forget…
For a moment I chased hell away…
Or did I ?
Every moment that I thought I were away,
I dug deeper into my self decay.
Until I decided to reclaim me.
To be me one moment at a time…
I would climb out of hell.
One decision at a time…
Each day I would learn to quiet the voice of bad habit.
To silence the hard wiring of what should not be.
Each day I would listen to the voice that was me,
the voice that had been quiet for so long.
I would surface as a new man yet, the same man
or should I say the reclaimed man.
Now back on solid ground, I keep building towards the sky.
Building towards the heavens to where I once begun.
Still so much more to see,
after forty one times around the sun…
©2012 Louis J. Auslander